Sometimes I find myself lost in thought, wondering if my children ever take the time to think about my mommy-skills. Do they think I’m a good mom, a bad mom, or the best mom in the whole world? They probably don’t. They are 7 months and 2, so I’m sure they don’t have that in-depth thoughts, yet. Or maybe they do.
Today I asked my daughter if she thought I was a good mom.
Like with every other question that I ask her, she answers it with a good ole solid “No.” She’s going through a weird phase where she says no to everything except for ice cream and candy (go figure). Of course, knowing about this phase, I didn’t think twice about her “no.” I’m not even sure why I asked her that question. I knew she didn’t know, and I knew her answer would be bogus.
But before I could stop them, the words were spitting out of my mouth.
I think deep down (and by deep down, I mean practically on the surface, so not very deep at all),
I don’t feel like the best mom right now.
And it makes sense. There is so much going on in my life right now, I’m not even sure how I’m keeping my head above the water.
This blog, which I love so so much, has completely taken over my life (in a good way)! Also, I’m currently planning my wedding that is THIS YEAR, and there’s still so much to do, so as of recently, I have been putting my blog on the back burner (sad face). Not to even mention that I’m still in school- which, thankfully is online, but that doesn’t make it too much easier.
(THIS POST CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS WHICH PROVIDE A SMALL COMMISSION TO ME AT NO EXTRA COST TO YOU).
And that’s only the beginning. My kids take up most of my days, and if you’re a mom, you know very well that your days get prioritized around them.
I just don’t feel like the best mom right now.
I use the TV as a babysitter way too often, I am constantly battling my daughter to eat three meals a day, and I am always breaking up fights between the two kids. Of course I’m still dealing with a toddler that does not want to give up her bottle, and I can’t even think about the battle that comes next: Potty training.
I am constantly overwhelmed with guilt by my parenting “skills,” and by how much I find myself yelling and saying “no” throughout the day. And just when I think it’s getting better and I can free the rest of my body from the water, a storm thrashes through, leaving me with just my head above the water again.
I can almost never keep my house clean. Don’t get me wrong, I clean for about half of every single day, but do I have a clean house to show for it? No, definitely not. There’s dirty clothes surrounding the hamper in the bathroom because the hamper is already full. The dishes- the dishes- I can never keep the sink free of dishes. No matter how hard I try- I do the dishes EVERY DAY, yet I’m still somehow always feeling overwhelmed by a pile of dishes in the sink.
The endless toys upstairs and downstairs, practically tripping on the once-folded clothes on the steps, and the constant vacuuming are just a few other things that fill my days with s-t-r-e-s-s. And that’s just the house, don’t even get me started on the car…
What am I doing wrong? Is there a secret I’m missing? Probably not.
HOWEVER, this isn’t just me ranting (once again). There is actually a point to this post:
It’s okay to feel like all of the above. Nobody wants to talk about the bad stuff, but I DO. I want you to know that we are barely different from one another and there’s always someone else feeling the same way you do at this moment. As moms, we tend to feel like we need to always be strong because that’s how society makes us out to be. And we are strong, like super duper strong! But we don’t need to be all the time.
It’s OK to have breakdowns and to feel super overwhelmed by just life itself. It’s OK that you aren’t confident with your parenting skills- who really is, amiright? And finally, it’s OK to have those days where you need to just lay on the couch all day and not get a single thing done- even if you’re not even sure what’s wrong.
Find what you need to feel better and make sure it gets done. For me, it’s writing these posts. I’ve been putting off writing a post for about a week (yeah right, it’s been TWO weeks) because I just haven’t felt like it and because I was too busy. But because I put it off, all of my feelings built up inside of me, which led me to a small break down, which again, is OK, but it could have been avoided.
Take it day by day. And remember, in order to have happy kids, they need to have a happy mom.
What do you do to destress? Let me know in the comments!