If you’ve been keeping up with my posts, then you know that remembering the me before kids and feeling like the me before kids is something very important to me, and got lost somewhere along the way.
Mom self-care is something people have been talking about more and more recently, and I knew it was important for me to find a self-care routine. However, I wasn’t sure what that routine consisted of.
Was it taking baths every once and a while? Getting a nap in here and there? It’s not like I never get out of the house; at least once a week one of the grandparents watches the kids so my fiance and I can go “out” (by “out” I mean go to our bowling league- yes, we’re old people now). So, I didn’t think I needed more of that, but something was off. Then, all of a sudden- after ONE dinner- it clicked:
My Form of “Mom-Self-Care” is Hanging Out With Old Friends
I always knew the importance of having a some-what social life, and it’s something I always had until I became a mom. As a dear friend pointed out to me, part of that is my fault. Like he said, it’s up to me to reach out to friends to hang out, and if that doesn’t work, then to just make new ones. Easier said then done, amiright?
I know it can be done. And there definitely were a couple of people that were potential candidates to become new good friends, but I didn’t pursue it because I didn’t feel I had the time or energy to put forth in creating a whole new friendship from scratch. Had I of known the actual benefits of doing-so, I probably would have gone the extra mile to gain two new friends, but I didn’t.
Since I became a mom (2 short years ago, but it feels MUCH longer), I moved to a new state for a full year before moving back to my home state. I made a few friends when I was away, one of them being a great and permanent friend, whom I am so grateful for meeting, but it’s not like we can go out for sushi whenever we want like we used to.
Since I’ve moved back, I knew my full-self was missing a piece to the puzzle, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I was feeling down, and more importantly lonely. Even though I had three perfectly amazing people surrounding me at all times and I never really was alone, I was lonely in a different type of way. There was something that I needed, but I wasn’t sure what it was.
Then, out of the blue, something so simple, yet so life-changing (yes, I’m dramatic), happened. I found that missing puzzle piece and suddenly knew what I needed to feel complete again.
My Form of “Mom-Self-Care” is Hanging Out With Old Friends
I’m so grateful that one day, someone that used to be a big part of my life, suggested that the group get back together again. It’s kind of like if NYSNC were to get back together, minus the singing and dancing (well maybe a little bit of dancing).
Out of the four of us, only two of us are moms, and that’s OK because we only spend a brief few minutes talking about our children anyways. Even though I love talking about my kids, when I’m with this group of friends, I get to remember the “me” before my kids.
When I’m with these friends, I don’t have to try. You know, sometimes with certain people you have to think before you speak: I call that “trying to talk,” instead of just letting the words f-l-o-w. If you don’t know what I mean, then I guess you’re just not as socially awkward as I am.
I get to be myself because these friends already know me. They know almost everything about me, which very few people do. They know all about my embarrassing moments, and they even know the things that I have blocked out of my memory and had forgotten myself (which apparently is a lot of stuff that I’m not going to get into).
Thanks to the reuniting of our high school friend group, I am able to gain little pieces of myself back, with hopes of finishing the puzzle to my inner self. I’m so lucky to be given this opportunity to build our friendships even higher, and to think, this could be you, too.
Are you feeling lost, down in the dumps, just need space, or not really sure what’s going on with you? Reach out to an old friend or a new one and pick a place and time to get together and stick to it. Don’t reschedule. It will be worth it and you might feel better, it’s worth a shot!