If you’ve been reading my stuff for a while now, then you probably think I am some miserable mother of two because I’m always harping about just how hard this “stay-at-home-mom-life” is for me.
There are some people that enjoy it, and that’s seriously awesome! I envy those moms, for real. If I could love being a stay at home mom, trust me, I would. And maybe at the beginning I did like it, but guess what- and this is crazy to me- I have been a stay at home mom for a full year come this April. That’s wild, and honestly, explains why I’ve been “Negative Nancy” these past few months.
Guys, if you are one of those people who thinks it’s all fun of games “getting to stay at home with your kids all day” because you “get to lounge on the couch in PJS” and you’re going to get tons of relaxation time.. you’re dead wrong. It’s not luxurious like you think and you seriously have some homework to do.
Anyways, this isn’t about me, this is about you and your decision to become a stay at home mom or not. And guess what? Whether you decide to work, stay at home, or work from home, THAT will be the best for your family. In this situation, there’s not one answer because at the end of the day, we can most likely make any of those work.
And I get it- I’m not really selling the whole stay-at-home-mom idea, am I? Well, I really should be because although it comes off as a bit terrifying (or maybe the complete opposite), there are some really really special moments about it. And those special moments are HUGE.
So, let’s get down to it, friends, ‘cus you have a serious decision to make.
The Cons of Being a Stay at Home Mom
You might struggle with finances at times.
I know, money isn’t everything, but it’s definitely something. This one is kind of obvious, that’s why I put it first. If your family is used to two incomes coming in, then there’s a chance you might struggle the first few months after deciding to become a stay at home mom.
You will have to make sacrifices.
In order to not struggle even more with finances now that your family is running on one income, you will need to make some serious sacrifices. Now, what sacrifices am I really talking about here? Let’s see… more than likely you will have to cut out your monthly (or bimonthly) nail appointment, say good-bye to getting your hair done in a salon, and you definitely won’t be able to order delivery/take-out when ever you desire. Basically, anything materialistic (shopping for clothes, shoes, etc.) that involves money, you can kiss goodbye. Oh, and you might even have to unsubscribe to Netflix and Hulu (oh god, please no). If any of this is a deal breaker, then you may want to consider not becoming a stay at home mom (unless of course the family’s one income allows it).
You’re basically working a full-time job without the paychecks.
Like I said before, if you think being a stay at home mom is easy, then you have some serious homework to do. And if you’re a new mom, be prepared to work even harder. It’s going to suck getting used to the fact that you do so much and get paid zip. You will basically be a maid, head chef, counselor, teacher, coach, support system, personal shopper, etc, etc. And it’s going to be a lot to handle. At times, you may feel like you aren’t contributing anything for your family, but believe it or not, you are actually doing the most work.
You will start to worry about your mental health.
(Of course this isn’t everybody) Before I became a stay at home mom, I never wondered what state my mental health was in, and I never really worried about it. But now that’s a different story. There’s so much that you will have to worry about being a stay at home mom- keeping the house clean, getting the laundry done, cooking at least 3 meals a day, are the kids watching too much TV?- all of this can kind of make you spiral. At times you might feel like you can’t control anything around you, and that will make you doubt yourself. So, even if you are mentally stable now, that could change if you become a stay at home mom. Or it might not! Everyone’s different.
The Pros of Being a Stay at Home Mom
You’re there for it all.
You won’t miss your child’s “first moments” because you’re literally always there. Your kids are always in your view. Therefore, you won’t miss their first laugh, first words, first time crawling, first steps, you won’t miss a single thing. There are a lot of parents who miss their child’s firsts, but that won’t be you.
You can start that business you’ve always been thinking about.
How many times have you thought about quitting your job and starting your own business? Maybe you’re interested in creating something and selling it, or maybe you’re like me and have always thought about writing, but wasn’t sure if you could do it? Well here’s me telling you, if that is what you want, then you can do it and if you become a stay at home mom, that is your time to start. Am I saying as a stay at home mother you will have endless amounts of free time? Absolutely not. Quite the opposite, actually, but your kids will go to bed eventually and take naps (hopefully) and then you can shine like the shiny star you are (sorry that got cheesy real fast).
You will literally know everything that is being taught to your children.
Because the teacher is you. If you want your child to understand a certain topic, but not be introduced to a different one, you are in complete and total control over that. You think your child should learn her A, B, C’s before learning 1, 2, 3, then that’s what they’re going to do. You are always there, so you get to decide and act on how your child is going to be raised and what they are going to be taught.
The bond between you and your child will be so strong.
I can’t even begin to explain the bond I have with my daughter and son because I’ve been here with them basically their whole life so far. This might be the biggest point for me, and makes all the whining and mental breakdowns worth it. I know everything about my children. I know their next move before they even do. I know how their going to react to (almost) anything. I know what they like and what they don’t like. And that right there, makes me feel so special. Because my two favorite people on this Earth, I know everything about. And at times, it may seem so so hard because they literally come to you for everything and sometimes you just want to be able to sit for more than 5 minutes, but you are their safe haven, and there’s nothing more amazing than that right there.
Whatever you decide, just remember, it doesn’t have to be a permanent decision. If you become a stay at home mom and realize after a few months or a year that it’s not for you then you can simply figure out a way to get back into the work force, and vice versa- if you decide against being a stay at home mom and stay at work and down the road you feel like your missing important moments, then you can find a way to make you being a stay at home mom happen.
No matter what you choose, it will be great! You got this.