The Mom I’m Supposed to Be

Society is a funny thing, isn’t it? And by funny I mean @#$%ing impossible to keep up with its impossible standards. To be quite frank, I’m not OK with many of their standards they expect us to reach– especially the very high standards they hold moms to.

The pressure of being the “perfect” mom, or not even perfect, but what they call “average” is so so high. We’re expected to keep the house picture-perfect clean, and the smell of cookies in the oven should fill our home at all times. There should be a stacked fridge and pantry filled with dad’s favorite drinks and the kids’ favorite snacks, and god forbid you buy anything healthy.

A few times in my life, I have been asked the question, “What is the hardest thing about being a mom?” The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear this question is dealing with the kids when they’re whining or fighting all day long, which is extremely annoying to deal with, but in all reality, it’s not the kids at all that makes this job so hard. No, no, no. It’s the MENTAL LOAD of being a MOTHER in today’s society.

We are constantly being judged on our parenting styles as if we were all the same human beings with the same thoughts and the same stuff happening in our lives. Sorry, but not sorry– We’re all different. Sarah might be a crafty mom and make the whole soccer team’s t-shirts, but I’m not that. And that’s ok. I’m not going to be sorry for not being crafty and creative like Sarah.

What society doesn’t realize is, mothers are drowning in stress– honestly, I’m not sure how they don’t get the picture yet; I mean, it’s basically our number one complaint. But lucky for us, moms are stronger than ever.

So, without further ado, I would like to publicly announce that I’m not sorry for NOT being the mom I’m “supposed to be.”

I’m not a guilt-free mom because my head is almost constantly filled with anxiety mostly because I compare all of my parenting “skills” to other families. (OMG their kid can say their ABC’s at age two and my kid’s 3 and doesn’t even know the first letter of the alphabet)

I’m not the mom who never yells because my patience has dwindled into basically nothing (& I mean nothing).

I’m not the mom who doesn’t sob over every news article that involves a child because I empathize with everyone and even the thought of something happening to my babies crushes me.

I’m not the crafty mom who makes all my kids’ Halloween costumes because I don’t know how to sew and I really have no interest in learning. (But I’ll happily pay one of you crafty moms to hand sew my kids’ costumes :))

I’m not the mom who bakes brownies and cakes for every family, work, or school event because I burn everything I touch.

I’m not the mom who keeps a spotless house 24/7 because I have two toddlers constantly dumping out toy boxes and spilling cereal on the freshly vacuumed carpet.

I try so hard to be the care-free mom who laughs when their child “accidentally” draws on the wall or splashes 5 gallons of water out of the tub, but it’s just not in the stars for me. Plus, eventually, the tub is going to fall through the floor, which terrifies me (or am I just being dramatic?)

I try to be the mom who doesn’t go into full rage-mode when my kids don’t stop jumping on the couch, even though I nicely asked them 30 times.

I try to be the mom who doesn’t secretly (and sometimes not-so-secretly) cry around the corner because I have reached my limit for the day.

I try, and I’ll keep trying, to be the mom with the perfect home-cooked meals and the one who everyone asks for recipes from, but so far, I have failed.

Whether you’re dealing with the stress of being a working mom, or the stress of trying to figure things out as a new mom, or you’re finding it to be too much to be a stay-at-home mom, we’re all fighting the same battle– the pressure of being Mom.

I don’t have the answer to how to properly deal with the pressure that is put onto our backs, but it’s important to remember we’re all going through it together, someway, somehow. I know it’s tough, like really really extra tough, especially on the days you just want to quit. But we’re going to be okay, and all we can do right now is be real with each other and talk about the bad stuff. Because that’s the only way the pressure will ever go away.


Mommy of two


More Like This:

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9 True Things About the First Year of Motherhood

A Letter to Myself: You are a Good Mom

No, Mama, You’re Not Failing. It’s Just Really Hard

To the One Who Made Me a Mom

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