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The Secret Side of Motherhood

Motherhood can be so wonderful in a way that makes you feel so full of life and grateful for what you have been gifted with.

Being a parent is like no other feeling in the world, and it’s wonderful.

However, motherhood has a secret side that she refuses to show others. They all told us being a Mother would be the greatest and most important part of our life, and it is, but there’s so much they didn’t tell us.

There’s so many things that I feel now that I’m a Mother. And if it weren’t for articles like these telling me that I’m not the only one feeling this way, then I would just assume I was crazy (sometimes I still do). 

So, what exactly is this secret side of motherhood that doesn’t seem to be talked about at all?

It’s Lonely.

Yes, in fact moms are some of the loneliest people out there. This is one that I feel so much down to my core. I am always with my children. Every day. All day. And I love my babies and being with them, but I need more than just their company some times. Not because I don’t love spending time with them- because I surely do- but I’m more than just their mom. I need to have an adult conversation every now and again, and if I don’t get that, then boy do I feel it. I feel it so hard. 

Too Much is Expected.

There. I said it. I said what we’re all feeling, but are too afraid to say. Too much is expected out of mothers. We are exhausted, but expected to keep a clean house and kids alive. We need to be keeping up with our mental health with something called “self-care,” but expected to take on EVERYthing- schedule doctor’s appointments, deal with the daily home life, make sure the kids are reaching their milestones, make sure we keep our relationship with our significant other active, listening to “advice” from others on how to raise our kids, be at home, be at work, do the grocery shopping, the Christmas shopping, hosting the birthday parties, the list goes on and on, and you know what? It’s too much. Let me say it one more time in case someone didn’t hear me: IT’S TOO MUCH. If one person is only expected to handle so much, then why is so much more expected from us? Just. Whatever.

Mom-Guilt is HUGE.

Isn’t is crazy? Before you were a mother, you most likely had no idea that mom guilt was even a thing, and now it’s like this gigantic rain cloud that is constantly above your head, reminding you of all the things you did wrong today. and yesterday. and five years ago. Mom guilt comes in all shapes and sizes: one child is getting more attention than the other, I didn’t give my kids a bath tonight because I was too tired, Did they eat enough at dinner?, Am I being too hard on them?, Maybe I shouldn’t have put my daughter into time-out today, Am I interacting with them enough?, Do they watch too much TV? AH! And we can never ever win; the guilt is always going to be there.

The Feeling of Not Knowing What You’re Doing.

Sigh. This one’s a doozy. They tell you that your mom instincts kick in as soon as you have a baby, and they’re not wrong, but they’re also not right. Some days I’m all like “Oh yeah, both kids are down for their nap and they didn’t throw any tantrums today. I must have this whole “parent” thing figured out,” and other days I’m all “Who, What, Which one are you? What day is it? Who am I?” Let’s be real, most days are like that. Everyday something new jumps in my back seat and I have to figure out a new way to ride with it. And it doesn’t help that once a week a new serious illness is going around the U.S. and now I can’t bring my kids into the public forever, amiright? Like I’ve been saying, there should be a parent-based class that can be taken for parents-to-be or anyone that is interested. There’s too much that we just have to learn as we go along. It’s no fair.

Feeling Defeated.

Almost everyday, I feel like I lost for the day. There are always so many opportunities for me to win, yet I usually take the losing route because somedays I can’t seem to come up with any energy or motivation. There are many different ways that can give me a big ol’ loss for the day: Maybe tantrums seemed to be the highlight of the day, or I lost the game of “Eat your GD dinner,” or I just watched as my child dumped a whole box of cheerios onto the floor. Whatever it is, it usually leaves me feeling defeated. That I just suck that bad as a mother. 

You Let Rage Control Your Life.

Yep. If I had a dollar for every time I let rage take over I would have one jillion dollars. Anymore I feel mad more than I feel joy. That’s a serious problem that I have yet to hear one single person talk about. Which is now making me think, am I the only one who feels this way? But I know I’m not. Rage is a symptom of PostPartum Depression, which every mother has at least a small dose of. Sorry to say it, but it’s true. I can’t help but have this constant feeling of stress and anxiety and it sucks. I wish it would just stop so I can be happy again, but for right now, it’s there. And it effects everyone in my life, which is the worst part. 

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We only ever talk about the great things that come with being a mother, but there’s a whole other stratosphere of feelings that are locked away and never to be talked about. It’s not cool!

But it doesn’t have to be that way. 

It’s about time we talked about what we’re going through. We deserve to let it be known the struggles and challenges we face as mothers! Share your stories, feelings, challenges with others so they know they’re not alone. 

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