Dear Firstborn, my trial-and-error child,
I used to think about you, before I knew you. I thought I knew you. But I really didn’t know you at all.
Before I had you, I was somebody else. I wasn’t the me I am now; I was the me-before-you. I had many friends, and was always up for the last minute plans. I thought I knew what life was and what it was about. But I had no idea. I was just a kid.
The day you were born, so was I. And in one day, my life completely changed (for the better, of course). You were the one to turn me into ME. I’ll forever thank you for that.
I gave you life, but you gave me LIFE. After that day, I was never the same, and I’ll never be the same.
Someone that I had never met, instantly became the love of my life and one of the best things to ever happen to me.
And now the toughest part of my life. No matter how much I read, nothing could have prepared me for you. I was so surprised by the mom instincts that just kicked in automatically for certain things, like rocking and singing you to sleep. But I was also surprised by how much I didn’t know. And man, was there a lot I didn’t know. They all said it would come naturally and I would pick it up quick.
While they weren’t exactly right about everything coming naturally, they were right about being able to pick it up, quite fast. Because I had to. I had to teach myself for you.
And the thing is, even though you were a newborn baby who knew nothing, you somehow helped me learn all these new things.
In your own way, you were teaching me how to be your perfect mom.
I’m sorry for how much I didn’t know. You came into this world assuming you were going to have a mother who knows everything and exactly what she’s doing at all times. But maybe that wasn’t the case (it definitely wasn’t, but is it ever?).
I didn’t know what to do about your constant-throwing-up-after-every-meal issue when you were a newborn (I certainly do now), and I’m sorry it took so long to figure it out. I’m sorry for all the TV I didn’t know you shouldn’t be watching. I’m sorry for all the breakdowns you witnessed because sometimes I really felt like I was failing you.
Every time you reached a new phase in your life or you succeeded through a new milestone, I was, too, reaching those successes. With you. We did the thing together. And we always will. Every new thing you learn, I learn, too. And that, my dear, is super special, and gives us such a wonderful bond that no one can ever recreate.
I’m still learning– I’ll forever be learning. Everyday.
Before there were two, there was you just you. It was you and I every day while Daddy went off to work. Every day, you and I were able to share wonderful moments, and no matter how small the moments, they will forever hold a special place in my heart.
You always made me laugh (you still do), and even better, you made yourself laugh. And your laugh, always (still does) made me feel like things were going to be ok. No matter what we were going through at the time.
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So, I thank you for giving me mom status, but mostly, I thank you for being my best friend
You are my reason for living, the reason I’ll never stop living, the reason I am the good mother I am today, the reason I work so hard to give us a better life.
You are my light, my sun, my star, my literal everything,
And the person who turned me into a Mom.
I love you forever and for always,
You’ll never know, just how much I love you, my sweet, little, fun-loving, caring, baby girl.