To the One Who Made Me a Mom

Dear Firstborn, my trial-and-error child,

I used to think about you, before I knew you. I thought I knew you. But I really didn’t know you at all.

Before I had you, I was somebody else. I wasn’t the me I am now; I was the me-before-you. I had many friends, and was always up for the last minute plans. I thought I knew what life was and what it was about. But I had no idea. I was just a kid.

to the one who made me a mom

The day you were born, so was I. And in one day, my life completely changed (for the better, of course). You were the one to turn me into ME. I’ll forever thank you for that.

I gave you life, but you gave me LIFE. After that day, I was never the same, and I’ll never be the same.

Someone (you) that I had never met, instantly became the love of my life and one of the best things to ever happen to me.

And now the toughest part of my life. No matter how much I read, nothing could have prepared me for you. I was so surprised by the mom instincts that just kicked in automatically for certain things, like rocking and singing you to sleep. I was also surprised by how much I didn’t know. And man, was there a lot I didn’t know. They all said it would come naturally and I would pick it up quick. 

While they weren’t exactly right about everything coming naturally, they were right about being able to pick it up, quite fast. Because I had to. I had to teach myself for you.

And the thing is, even though you were a newborn baby who knew nothing, you somehow helped me learn all these new things. 

In your own way, you were teaching me how to be your perfect mom. 

 

I’ve Loved You Since Forever

I’m sorry for how much I didn’t know. You came into this world assuming you were going to have a mother who knows everything and exactly what she’s doing at all times. But maybe that wasn’t the case (it definitely wasn’t, but is it ever?).

I didn’t know what to do about your constant-throwing-up-after-every-meal issue when you were a newborn (I certainly do now), and I’m sorry it took so long to figure out. I’m sorry for all the TV I didn’t know you shouldn’t be watching. I’m sorry for all the breakdowns you witnessed because sometimes I really felt like I was failing you. 

Every time you reached a new phase in your life or you succeeded through a new milestone, I was, too, reaching those successes. With you. We did this thing together. And we always will. Every new thing you learn, I learn, too. And that, my dear, is super special, and gives us such a wonderful bond that no one can ever recreate.

I’m still learning– I’ll forever be learning. Everyday.

Before there were two, there was you just you. It was you and I everyday while Daddy went off to work. Every day, you and I were able to share wonderful moments, and no matter how small the moments, they will still hold a special place in my heart. Forever. 

You always made me laugh (you still do), and even better, you made yourself laugh. And your laugh, always (still does) made me feel like things were going to be ok. No matter what we were going through at the time. Can I let you in on a little secret? Us, our family, me, you, your dad, and brother, always get through it. It doesn’t matter what it is, we always figure it out. For some reason, it just always works out for us. And now for you, too. 

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So, I thank you for giving me mom status, but mostly, I thank you for being my best friend 

You are my reason for living, the reason I’ll never stop living, the reason I am the good mother I am today, the reason I work so hard to give us a better life.

You are my light, my sun, my star, my literal everything,

And the person who turned me into a Mom.

I love you forever and for always,

You’ll never know, just how much I love you, my sweet, little, fun-loving, caring, baby girl.

 

Love always, 

Your Mama

5 thoughts on “To the One Who Made Me a Mom”

  1. New mom here, as in day 3, and this just made sense… I had my first meltdown yesterday where I waited until my partner left the house and just broke down and cried. No ‘REAL’ rhyme or reason to it, but I was feeling overwhelmed, even when I knew I wasn’t (does that even make any sense). And while I wrote this after napping on the couch with my little guy at 5am (btw how did you deal with/stop all the spit ups after their meals) I know we are going to get through this. We always do. But it is still hard.
    Kudos to you for being able to put it into words and thanks for sharing, making me feel a little better at 5am and sleep deprived.

    1. babiesandbeers.net

      Hi! Thank you for sharing your life as a new mom so far.
      You are certainly not alone! I, too, wait until my partner leaves the house to have my meltdowns (unless, of course, I can’t hold it in any longer, which DOES happen on occasion!). It DOES make sense! And you’re right, you and your family will get through this, but at the same time it IS hard. Especially being a new mom during these tough times going on in the world. I want you to know, that I am thinking of you! And it does get BETTER. Like a lot better. Soon you’ll be able to get a decent amount of sleep throughout the night and your baby WILL stop spitting up after EVERY meal (btw, spitting up after meals is TOTALLY normal at this stage. My first baby would throw up after almost every meal when she was first born). I respond to ALL my emails, so if you ever needed/wanted to chat, please email me at [email protected]!
      All the best to you and your newest baby,
      Maria

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